Developing Healthy Relationship with Parents after Marriage

by - 3/12/2017 06:03:00 pm

Developing Healthy Relationship with Parents after Marriage

Every marriage comes with an admixture of joy (of entering into a new home) and sadness (of leaving a former one). The underlying reality of marriage is the fact of leaving one’s parents to establish a home away from home. And so in marriage, one is expected to have reached to a certain level of maturity to be able to leave the comfort and security of parental relationship to a very uncertain but hopefully secured relationship with another.

In Nigeria, we face a lot of issues with regard to parental interference with their children’s marriage. Many factors have been identified as being the cause of this. In as much as the necessity of the well-meaning intervention of parents to their children’s marriage is obvious, there are limits and there are grave consequences that will surely arise when parents trespass these limits.  
In this post, I will talk about the couple’s relationship with parents after marriage. Marriage implies leaving the dependence on your parents. Your parents shouldn’t poke-note into your marital affairs. Sorry I used the term ‘poke-nose’ but that’s exactly what it is. The constant interference of your parents to your marital affairs is an obvious expression of their mistrust in you; your ability to handle a family affair; their conviction of not raising you to the standard of raising a family properly, and so they have to intervene at intervals to set things right.  

There are three outstanding areas through which parents can have access to their child’s marriage. I shall look into these areas and show the limit they should go in other for you to enjoy a good marital life with your spouse.

Financial relationship

One of the things every matured individual need is financial security. Remember that marriage is sealed by the very consent and vow between you and your spouse. As such, everything concerning the running of the home should be shared. Don’t try to hide your financial incapacity to your spouse because you don’t want your spouse to feel bad or bear the financial burden with you. Your parents may always pester you concerning the running of the home especially when they know the financial status of you two. But no matter what, give your parents a step ahead. Carry your spouse along. Every financial issue must first be discussed between you and your spouse before you can even think of leaking it out. This does not mean you should block your parents off, especially when they stand as your immediate aid in time of financial crisis. Most of them may love to help but remember, it all start by a good intention. Both of you may agree to talk to your parents for advice or loan if it becomes so necessary. You should be able to take a financial decision with your spouse without having any external force constraining or compelling you.

Emotional relationship

It is no doubt a difficult area having to bridge some emotional attachment you have with your parents for another person. But no matter what, be able to make your spouse your source of emotional support, major confidant and soul mate. Reclining to your parents when you need emotional support has disastrous effects, one of which is an inability to develop a healthy intimate relationship with your spouse. It can be hard to transfer the emotional affinity you have with your parents to your spouse but over time, it gets easier.

Physical relationship

There should also be a certain limit to your physical relationship with your parents. This includes living with your parents, using their cars, calling them on daily basis etc. Manage the amount of time, visits and physical space with your parents. Your presence should first be to your spouse. Don’t incur the jealousy of your spouse by being always with your mum or dad as the case may be. Everyone may need your attention but it is up to you to set priorities and organise your time with them. This doesn’t in any way mean that you should neglect and turn your back to your parents; no! The amount of time you give them should depend on their state, e.g if they are aged, or ill or lonely, you should devise means with your spouse’s consent to reach out to them. There is no harm if you bring your sick parent to your matrimonial home. But for those who are hale and hearty, your consideration should differ.

There should be a lovely relationship between couples and their parents and this relationship should even be intensified after marriage without infiltrating into the core of their marital union. Distance should not deprive you of that familiar bond you have with your parents, your experience with your parents is one major thing that guides you as you move into the parental business.

Do you have any issue with your relationship with parents after marriage? Why not drop it here and let other well-meaning readers help you out?

God bless your home!

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