Developing Healthy Relationship with Parents after Marriage
Every marriage comes with an admixture of joy (of entering into a new home) and sadness (of leaving a former
one). The underlying reality of marriage is the fact of leaving one’s parents to
establish a home away from home. And so in marriage, one is expected to have reached to a certain level of maturity to be able to leave the comfort and security of parental relationship to a
very uncertain but hopefully secured relationship with another.
In Nigeria, we
face a lot of issues with regard to parental interference with their children’s
marriage. Many factors have been identified as being the cause of this. In as much as the necessity of the well-meaning intervention of parents
to their children’s marriage is obvious, there are limits and there are grave consequences
that will surely arise when parents trespass these limits.
Read also: 22 Best Marriage Advice for Newlyweds
In this post, I will
talk about the couple’s relationship with parents after marriage. Marriage
implies leaving the dependence on your parents. Your parents shouldn’t poke-note into your marital affairs. Sorry I used the term ‘poke-nose’ but that’s
exactly what it is. The constant interference of your parents to your marital
affairs is an obvious expression of their mistrust in you; your ability to
handle a family affair; their conviction of not raising you to the standard of raising a
family properly, and so they have to intervene at intervals to set things right.
There are three outstanding areas through which
parents can have access to their child’s marriage. I shall look into these
areas and show the limit they should go in other for you to enjoy a good
marital life with your spouse.
Financial relationship
One of the things every matured individual need is
financial security. Remember that marriage is sealed by the very consent and
vow between you and your spouse. As such, everything concerning the running of
the home should be shared. Don’t try to hide your financial incapacity to your
spouse because you don’t want your spouse to feel bad or bear the financial burden
with you. Your parents may always pester you concerning the running of the home
especially when they know the financial status of you two. But no matter what,
give your parents a step ahead. Carry your spouse along. Every financial issue
must first be discussed between you and your spouse before you can even think
of leaking it out. This does not mean you
should block your parents off, especially when they stand as your immediate aid
in time of financial crisis. Most of them may love to help but remember, it all start by a good intention. Both of you may
agree to talk to your parents for advice or loan if it becomes so necessary. You
should be able to take a financial
decision with your spouse without having any external force constraining or
compelling you.
Emotional relationship
It is no doubt a difficult area having to bridge some
emotional attachment you have with your parents for another person. But no matter
what, be able to make your spouse your source of emotional support, major
confidant and soul mate. Reclining to your parents when you need emotional
support has disastrous effects, one of which is an inability to develop a
healthy intimate relationship with your spouse. It can be hard to transfer the emotional
affinity you have with your parents to your spouse but over time, it gets easier.
Physical relationship
There should also be a certain limit to your physical
relationship with your parents. This includes
living with your parents, using their cars, calling them on daily basis etc. Manage the amount of time, visits and physical space with your parents. Your presence
should first be to your spouse. Don’t incur the jealousy of your spouse by
being always with your mum or dad as the case may be. Everyone may need your
attention but it is up to you to set
priorities and organise your time with them. This doesn’t in any way mean that you should neglect and turn
your back to your parents; no! The amount of time you give them should depend
on their state, e.g if they are aged, or ill or lonely, you should devise means
with your spouse’s consent to reach out to them. There is no harm if you bring
your sick parent to your matrimonial home. But for those who are hale and hearty, your consideration should differ.
There should be a lovely relationship between couples and their parents and this relationship should even be intensified after
marriage without infiltrating into the core of their marital union. Distance should not
deprive you of that familiar bond you have with your parents, your experience
with your parents is one major thing that guides you as you move into the parental business.
Do you have any issue with your relationship with parents after marriage? Why not drop it here and let other well-meaning readers help you out?
Do you have any issue with your relationship with parents after marriage? Why not drop it here and let other well-meaning readers help you out?
God bless your home!
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